*nods* That is a tall order, though it would be awesome if such a thing exists. A lot of it sounds like coaching - I wonder if there are people who will coach online (the ones I know about are more for advanced lifters and Oly or crossfit focused)?
And, yeah, it definitely sounds like you want a strength coach and not a personal trainer. I wish I knew about good places to look for strength coaches - I don't know where you live, but in the US you usually want someone who is a certified USAW (USA weightlifting) coach and you can go to their website to find gyms/coaches. I totally understand not wanting to crossfit (I love it, but it's not for everyone and my box has amazing coaches which is not true everywhere) but it could be worth checking if they have a strength coach. At our box our strength coach also does personal strength training for non-members. They might have something like this, or be able to make recommendations in the community.
I do like parts of nerd fitness, mentioned below, though there is a weight loss bent to some of it. I'm pretty good at just ignoring the parts I don't want to focus on. And crossfit as made me immune to paleo stuff - I believe some of the science from a biochemical perspective, none of it from an evolutionary perspective, and have found that paleo means different things to different people. When I convert it to mean "eat real food, as unprocessed as possible", which is the base message, it works for me.
Anyway, good luck on your search and I hope you find something that offers what you're looking for.
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And, yeah, it definitely sounds like you want a strength coach and not a personal trainer. I wish I knew about good places to look for strength coaches - I don't know where you live, but in the US you usually want someone who is a certified USAW (USA weightlifting) coach and you can go to their website to find gyms/coaches. I totally understand not wanting to crossfit (I love it, but it's not for everyone and my box has amazing coaches which is not true everywhere) but it could be worth checking if they have a strength coach. At our box our strength coach also does personal strength training for non-members. They might have something like this, or be able to make recommendations in the community.
I do like parts of nerd fitness, mentioned below, though there is a weight loss bent to some of it. I'm pretty good at just ignoring the parts I don't want to focus on. And crossfit as made me immune to paleo stuff - I believe some of the science from a biochemical perspective, none of it from an evolutionary perspective, and have found that paleo means different things to different people. When I convert it to mean "eat real food, as unprocessed as possible", which is the base message, it works for me.
Anyway, good luck on your search and I hope you find something that offers what you're looking for.